Dealing With Difficult Clients

Denese Konowe

Hey everyone, and welcome back to Kiwi Real Estate, Inside Out. I'm Denese Konowe, and, yes, I'm still sipping flat whites at all the wrong times of day—Lee, you were right about that, by the way.

Dr Lee Konowe

Ha! Well, I'm Dr Lee Konowe here with Denese. I’ll try to keep the, uh, tangents to a dull roar today, but no promises. We’ve got a good one lined up—dealing with difficult clients. A topic I suspect every Kiwi agent has a story about.

Denese Konowe

Definitely. Especially because, if you’ve spent any time in New Zealand real estate, you know there are patterns—those classic difficult client types. You’ve got your indecisive buyers—people who want to see everything twice and still, I dunno, can’t settle on a colour for their lounge, let alone a house. And then there’s the aggressive negotiator—you know the type, Lee. The ones waving comps around and threatening to walk every fifteen minutes.

Dr Lee Konowe

Oh, absolutely. I might add: sometimes it’s not the client, per se, but their expectations. The cultural side of Kiwi real estate—like, we value directness, but sometimes that boils over into, well, more forceful behaviors. And, newcomers to NZ sometimes miss those cues, which just kind of adds extra friction for the agent.

Denese Konowe

That’s so true. Actually, my first real taste of this was ages ago—a client in Rotorua. She was lovely, don’t get me wrong, but overbearing doesn’t even cover it. She’d ring four times a day and wanted daily diaries of competing listings. At first, I pushed back—tried to, uh, set boundaries the way I had in the US. But it backfired completely, because I didn't stop to consider why she was being so demanding. Turns out, she’d had a bad run-in with a ‘cowboy agent’ years ago, so she just didn’t trust the process. Once I started giving her lots of updates—like, probably more than she even needed—and explained the process in tiny bits, things softened. She was still insistent, but more relaxed with me, at least.

Dr Lee Konowe

That’s the trick, though, isn’t it? Difficult behavior is usually just anxiety wearing a new hat.

Denese Konowe

Exactly. And, for Kiwi agents, understanding these cultural nuances can totally flip the script on what we think of as ‘difficult’.

Dr Lee Konowe

So, moving into the how—let’s talk practical. There’s really some solid, evidence-based ways to, you know, bring down the temperature in these tricky conversations. Active listening tops my list. And I know, Denese, we’ve harped on that a few times before…

Denese Konowe

That’s true! We talked about it in the complaints episode, remember? But repetition doesn’t hurt.

Dr Lee Konowe

Right, and clarifying expectations—just asking something like, “Can you walk me through what matters most to you in this transaction?” It helps get everyone on the same page. And then, reflective statements—echoing back what someone says, not to parrot them, but to show you’re on their side. People relax when they feel heard.

Denese Konowe

Yeah, and you can’t forget boundaries, either—otherwise you’ll get burnt out real quick. It’s not only about keeping the client happy at all costs. As Kiwi agents under the REA Code of Conduct, we’ve also got strict legal and ethical limits, right?

Dr Lee Konowe

Absolutely. Speaking of, I’ve got a quick story from my mediation days—there was this standoff where both sides were convinced the other was out to ruin them. All it took to crack it open was validating, like, “I can see this feels unfair to you, can you help me understand why?” Suddenly walls came down, and we could move to problem-solving together. It’s wild how just acknowledging emotion first can switch it from conflict into, well, collaboration. In real estate, it works surprisingly well with both buyers and sellers when things get tense.

Denese Konowe

I love that, Lee. And it’s a good reminder—we don’t need to fix every problem instantly. Sometimes we just need to acknowledge it and hold the space for clients to share what’s really going on under the surface.

Denese Konowe

Now, let’s get a bit more hands-on. For those of you who’ve done the 'Handling Difficult Real Estate Clients' course with us, you know we push practical role play pretty hard. There are scripts you can test in the car on your way to an appointment—stuff like how to reset a conversation that’s spiraling, or how to keep a negotiation from getting heated.

Dr Lee Konowe

We even break down step-by-step how to address a contract dispute—like that Wellington buyer last year, Denese, remember? It started with a misunderstanding about a sunset clause and quickly became, uh, fairly tense. The approach we teach is: first, pause and acknowledge, “I can see this clause is a real concern for you.” Then, clarify expectations—ask them, “What’s your understanding of this section?” And finally, offer a way forward, something like, “How would you feel about getting the legal team to walk us through this together?”

Denese Konowe

Should we demo? I’ll be the buyer this time. Ready?

Dr Lee Konowe

Go for it.

Denese Konowe

Okay, “Lee, I really don’t like this sunset clause. It sounds like I could lose everything if the settlement drags on!”

Dr Lee Konowe

“Denese, thanks for raising that. It sounds like this section feels risky to you. Can you tell me what part is bothering you most?”

Denese Konowe

“Just, what if the seller delays intentionally?”

Dr Lee Konowe

“I get why you’re worried. Let’s review it with the lawyer, so you know your options and there aren’t any surprises.”

Denese Konowe

Textbook! And really, all you listeners out there—try this with a partner or colleague even if it feels awkward. It's like a muscle; the more you practice, the easier it gets when it’s real.

Dr Lee Konowe

Couldn’t agree more. Structured tools make you less likely to panic, and more likely to keep things moving forward even when emotions run high.

Denese Konowe

Okay, so maybe you’ve survived the fraught negotiation or a testy inspection. The real secret sauce, though, is what comes after. Turning a tough start into a loyal client—that’s how reputations are made in Kiwi real estate.

Dr Lee Konowe

Absolutely. Post-sale follow-up is way underrated. A quick, personal note, or a check-in call—"How's the move going? Anything else you need?"—makes people feel remembered, not just another sale.

Denese Konowe

And you know, sending them updates long after, or even the odd tip about local events or property care—that kind of personal touch really works. It’s not about harassing them, more like staying part of their story, so when their neighbour needs an agent, they think of you first.

Dr Lee Konowe

Feedback is big, too. I know it’s scary sometimes, asking, “How did I do?” But that reflection not only helps improve your service, it often uncovers little issues before they become, uh, huge headaches down the line.

Denese Konowe

And sometimes you even learn something about yourself in the process! So, that’s us for today—hopefully those tools and stories give you something practical to try with your own ‘difficult’ clients. Lee, good chat as always.

Dr Lee Konowe

Great fun, Denese—always is. And thanks to all of you for tuning in. We’ll be back soon with more from the Kiwi real estate frontline.

Denese Konowe

Until next time, keep those conversations open and those boundaries healthy. Bye for now!

Dr Lee Konowe

Cheers everyone, take care.